You, Me, and Forever (Blushing)

“Okay, we need to brainstorm,” Violet said, snapping her fingers in front of me to get my attention. “Come on, girl. We need a hashtag for Leigh and Scotty Lee.”

She stood at the whiteboard, marker in hand, ready to write.

“I’ll start,” Blakely said as she sipped her latte from the Brown Bear Diner. “‘Two Lees in a pod.’”

I chuckled. “That’s cute. How about ‘happi-Lee ever after,’ spelled with his last name, Lee.”

“Nice one.” Violet wrote them out on the board. “I was thinking maybe ‘probab-Lee shouldn’t marry a guy who has the same last name as my first name’?”

Blakely and I both made buzzing noises to let her know it was not going on the board.

“She’s going to be Leigh Lee,” Violet said. “Come on, that’s not going to bother her?”

“She’s in love. She hardly cares. How often do you call someone by their full name?” Blakely asked, tearing off a piece of muffin and popping it in her mouth.

“That’s because Leigh is normal,” Violet said. “And nice. I’m just relieved that we survived Tracy’s wedding from hell. She’ll go down as the worst bride in history.”

I shook my head and forced a smile. “Yeah. We’re lucky we made it through that one.”

Tracy was by far the worst bride we’d ever worked with thus far. She’d made her mother cry. She’d made all of her bridesmaids cry. Her mother-in-law had left the wedding before they even made it down the aisle. But weddings were unpredictable, in the best way. You just never knew what was going to come up.

But at the end of the day, weddings were all about love and hope and happily ever after.

I still believed in it.

“You okay?” Violet asked. It had been six weeks since Myles left. Six weeks since I’d heard his voice or seen his face, outside of the hours when I scrolled through the photos I’d taken of him on my phone.

“Yeah, yeah, of course. I’m good.” I gave her a thumbs-up. I’d done everything in my power to put on a happy face these last few weeks. Convincing the people I was closest to that I was fine was exhausting.

“Are you excited for our double date tonight?” Violet waggled her brows.

“That’s right. You guys are going out with the hot tourists tonight,” Blakely said.

“Yes. It’s time for our girl to get out there. And Christopher is hot, and he insisted his best friend was a great guy. So, we’ll go to the Moose Brew and have some drinks and forget about the billionaire.”

“Pfft, I hardly even think about that man,” I said in my most convincing voice, but they shared a look that told me they weren’t buying it. “I’m looking forward to getting dressed up and meeting this guy.”

I wasn’t looking forward to it at all.

I preferred going home alone and allowing myself to be sad. In the comfort of my own home, where I didn’t have to hear anyone tell me that I needed to get over it.

Get over him.

A part of me hated myself for making things so final. For drawing such a firm line in the sand. Because right now, seeing Myles once or twice a year didn’t sound like a bad thing.

I missed him. I missed his voice.

I missed his smart-ass smirk. His laugh. His face.

His snarky comments.

The way he kissed me.

The way he touched me.

“Hello, earth to Monny,” Blakely said, pulling me from my daze. Her eyes were sympathetic when I met her gaze. “Is this you not thinking about the billionaire?”

“Of course I’m not. I was thinking about laundry. I need to do a few loads this weekend.” I cleared my throat.

“Sure you were. Listen, Monny, the best way to forget a man is to distract yourself with another one.” Violet walked over and wrapped her arms around me. “We’ll have fun tonight, okay?”

“Yeah. It’ll be great.”

“Oh boy,” Blakely said under her breath. “Look who just walked in.”

I turned to see Phillip standing in the front office, and I internally groaned. He’d texted me so many times, and I just didn’t have the energy to deal with him.

Nor should I have to.

I walked out to the front office and crossed my arms over my chest. “What are you doing here, Phillip?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” he said, glancing over at Violet and Blakely, who’d followed me out to the front.

“Oh, it’s my favorite narcissist,” Violet said. “Let me guess, you want Montana to plan your wedding to the woman you cheated on her with? That would be very on brand for you.”

He sighed and then looked over at me with pleading eyes. “Can you just give me five minutes?”

I shook my head and motioned for him to follow me to my office. I moved to sit behind my desk, and he took the seat across from me.

“You have to stop texting me, Phillip. We aren’t together anymore, and you’re engaged to another woman. It’s inappropriate, even for you.”

“Oh, so now I’m the devil, huh? I made some mistakes, Montana. I’m not perfect.”

“Why are you doing this? I’m not upset with you at this point. I’m over it. I don’t think about it at all. So why are you pushing this so hard?” My words were harsh, but I didn’t want to hear his bullshit anymore.

“Because I miss you,” he whispered. “I think I really fucked up, Montana. I think about you all the time. I’m engaged to another woman, but it’s you who I think about when I close my eyes at the end of the day.”

“Then perhaps you should open them and look at your fiancée,” I said, suddenly overcome with anger. “You’re never happy, Phillip. That’s your problem. You always want what you can’t have. When you were with me, you were thinking about her. Figure your shit out, and leave me out of it.”

“So you’re saying you can’t forgive me?” he asked, acting completely wounded.

A maniacal laugh escaped my lips. “I’m saying I have no desire to forgive you.”

“Because you’re angry.”

“No, that’s not it. Listen, Phillip, our relationship ran its course. You weren’t wrong for ending things. I know that, because I now know what it means to love someone deeply. We didn’t have that. We had a history, and it’s the reason that we both hung on for so long. Too long. But that’s not love. And I think we could have remained friends after everything was all said and done, but you ruined that because we both know that you were unfaithful. And now you have the audacity to come to me and see if I’ll take you back while you’re engaged to another woman? So, listen to me when I say this to you.” I paused, waiting for his gaze to meet mine as I folded my hands on my desk. “You can fuck off, Phillip. Because I deserve better. And you don’t deserve my friendship.”

He just sat there gaping at me. “Wow. You’ve changed a lot, Montana.”

“Thank God for that. If you were looking for a doormat, I believe you came to the wrong place.”

“I didn’t mean that in a negative way.” He held his hands up. “You’ve changed a lot, but I admire it. And I’m happy for you, if you’re happy. I’m happy that you know what it means to love someone now, even if it stings to hear it. Are you still with that rich guy?”

What part of “I don’t want to be friends with you” did you miss?

“Phillip,” I said as I pushed to my feet. “I do know what it means to love someone. And to be loved by someone in a way that makes you love yourself even more. And that’s as much as I’m going to share with you. I wish you the best, and I hope you figure things out. But I need to get back to work now.”

I walked out of the office, and Violet and Blakely were both watching as he walked past me and moved toward the door.

“Thanks for hearing me out.” He shrugged. “I’m happy for you, Montana. You deserve the best, and it sounds like you’ve found it.”

I did. I just couldn’t hold on to it.

I nodded. “Take care, Phillip.”

And when he stepped outside, I felt like I was a stronger person than I used to be.

I just wished I could thank the person who’d helped me realize it.

“Okay, so our code word is ‘blue balls.’ If either of us say it, we get the hell out of there,” Violet said.

“I feel like you picked a code word that is obviously a code word. Because why would we ever just drop that in a conversation?” I said as I pulled the door open to the Moose Brew.

“‘Hey, have you heard from our old friend Bill Blue Balls lately?’ Or, ‘Have you ever tried the blue balls cocktail?’” She laughed. “That’s some talent to put ‘blue balls’ and ‘cock’ in the same sentence. You’re welcome.”

“Fine. We’ll stick with ‘blue balls.’” I rolled my eyes. We made our way toward the bar when two men stood and waved us over where they sat at a table.

“Oh, that’s Christopher,” she whispered close to my ear. “And look at Ray. He’s hot too.”

He was good looking by any standard. Blond hair, tall, sort of a surfer guy look. But I felt nothing when I approached. No butterflies. No excitement.

I didn’t want to be there.

I was forcing myself to be there.

Christopher did the quick introductions, and we all did the whole awkward hug thing before taking our seats: Violet and me on one side of the table and Christopher and Ray on the other. Benji appeared out of thin air, just like he always did, and he gave me the strangest look. Maybe because I’d come to the Moose Brew a few weeks ago and cried to him over a few shots of tequila. I knew he’d take it to the grave. There were very few people I could break down to right now, and Benji just happened to be one of them.

“Who do we have here?” he asked, clearly unsure if we were using our real names.

“We aren’t doing the aliases tonight. We’re using our real names,” Violet said with a laugh as she introduced Benji to Ray and Christopher.

We ordered a few martinis and some appetizers and settled into our own conversations with the two men.

Violet and Christopher seemed to be having a great time laughing and talking about his travels. Ray was more focused on me.

“So who was the last guy you used an alias on?” He smirked as he reached for a chicken finger.

“I’ve actually only done it once.” I shrugged.

“Did he ever find out that you hadn’t told him your real name?”

“Yes, I did eventually tell him.” I sipped my cocktail.

“You went out with him more than once?”

“Yes, actually. I went out with him for several months.”

His eyes widened. “So I guess he forgave you for lying about your name.”

Violet said, “Umm . . . Monny, why don’t you tell Ray about the Blushing Bride.” She shot me a look, clearly not impressed with my topic of conversation. “I was just telling Christopher how busy we are.”

“I want to hear what happened with the dude she dated for a few months after giving him a fake name,” Ray said, smiling. “Is he going to show up here and try to kick my ass because you dumped him?”

“No. He’s not from here. And he’s long gone,” Violet said with a smirk.

“Ahhh . . . good to know that I’ve got a real shot, then. Because you’re fucking beautiful, Montana.” He had one of those all-American smiles that reached his eyes, and his teeth were perfectly white. This guy belonged in a toothpaste commercial.

“Thank you. But I should tell you that you don’t have a real shot, Ray. And it’s not because you aren’t great. I’m sure you are. You’ve got the looks, the smile, the charisma.”

“Wow. I sound like the whole package. So what’s the problem?” he asked, taking a pull from his beer bottle.

“The truth is, I’m deeply in love with another man.” I reached for a french fry and bit the top off.

“Blue balls,” Violet said in my ear. “Blue fucking balls, Montana Kingsley.”

“Why is she saying ‘blue balls’ in her ear?” Christopher asked Ray.

“It’s got to be their code word. I think the wheels might be coming off the cart.” Ray chuckled.

“It is our code word. How did you know that?” Violet asked, looking between the two men, as I continued eating. It felt good to get it off my chest. To make sure he knew this was going nowhere so now I could just enjoy myself, eat some bar food, and take the pressure off.

“Because we have one too,” Christopher said.

“What is it?” I asked.

“‘Pussy cat.’” Ray laughed.

“Damn. Yours is as bad as ours,” I said.

“Why are you using your code word?” Ray asked. “We can finish dinner. We didn’t come here thinking we had to take you home for it to be a win. You two are vibing, and I like Montana. Even if she’s in love with another man. We can still enjoy some food and drinks, right?”

“Yeah. We can.” I turned to Violet. “Hold the blue balls for later and enjoy chatting with Christopher. I’m good.”

She sighed. “Fine. But if you start crying, we are out of here.”

“She’s not going to cry.” Ray smirked. “She just needs someone to let her vent. I’m guessing she isn’t allowed to do that much.”

He shot a look at Violet, but she was already deep in conversation with Christopher again. They all ordered another cocktail, but I switched to water. I hadn’t been sleeping much, and more than one cocktail would have me falling apart.

“You seem to know a lot about broken hearts, huh?”

“Yeah. My girlfriend and I called it quits a few months ago. This is the first time I’ve been out on an actual date since. Christopher dragged me here to Blushing for a few days because we’ve been working a lot. And I guess I’ve been feeling sorry for myself.”

“What happened?”

“I was the asshole,” he said.

“No. You don’t give off asshole vibes.”

“Thank you. I’m working on it. I was an idiot. I was unfaithful, and she kicked my ass to the curb.”

“Ah . . . well, good for her.” I chuckled.

“Yep. So the guy you were dating doesn’t live here?”

“Nope. He lives in New York.”

“Did he cheat on you?”

“No.” I rolled my eyes. “He’s not like that. He’s the best.”

His eyes widened. “Did you cheat on him?”

“No. I would never do something like that.” I winced. “No offense.”

“None taken.” He sipped his beer. “So you were ridiculously in love, and you dated for months, and what happened?”

“He doesn’t really date. He’s more of a fling type of guy,” I said, thinking back to the night we met.

The way he came to my rescue with the guy hitting on me.

My chest ached at the thought.

I missed him so much that it physically hurt.

“But you two were together for months?”

“Yeah. He was here from out of town. And we just hung out every day, you know? It’s probably ridiculous that I’m a mess over him, right?”

“Well, I don’t know this dude. But for a guy who doesn’t date, it’s a little strange to date you for months while he was here. Sounds like he was all in too. So maybe he’s missing you the way you’re missing him. Have you asked him?”

“No. I cut off all contact. I can’t be chatting with a man I’m in love with on the phone every day while dating other men.”noveldrama

His head tipped back with a laugh. “Maybe you bend the ‘no contact’ rule, and just see if he’s having a hard time the way you are, you know?”

“No, I can’t open that door, because it’ll be too easy to fall back into that same pattern with him again. Sometimes rules are necessary, Ray. Hence the ‘no cheating’ rule.”

His hand landed on his chest, feigning like he’d just been shot there. “Touché. But I think you’re the kind of girl a guy would change his rules for.”

But he didn’t.

I took a sip of my water and thought over his words. “Thank you, Ray.”

As if she knew what I was thinking, Violet smiled at me. “Blue balls?”

“Yep. I need to go home.” I could feel all that emotion bubbling up.

Ray and Christopher were very understanding, and we said our goodbyes. And I walked home hand in hand with Violet as I let it all out.

I cried and sobbed and told her how much I’d been struggling.

And we sat up on the couch talking all night, and she just hugged me over and over and promised it would pass.

But a little part of me knew it never would.

Because Myles St. James had left town—and he’d taken my heart with him.